Friday, May 10, 2013

I remember being a kid

   I remember being a kid. In first grade we did this thing called writer's workshop. It was just maybe half an hour a week where we would write a story. Sometimes we would have them sort of bound up into little books and we could put stickers on the front. I wish I still had them. I remember around this time really getting into the idea of mystery novels. I don't think I ever read one back then, (i've only read one mystery novel ever and I found it entirely unremarkable) i don't think i read much then aside from dr. seuss and shel silverstien (this being around the time that R.L Stein's goosebumps books were exploding, I got one goosebumps 'the secret in the basement' or something, after asking for what must have been months, then read maybe two or three pages and got bored with it) but for some reason the idea of mysteries was really attractive to me. One story I wrote involved a code, and the detective trying to figure out what form of code it was in order to solve the mystery or something. I guess I had a really fun time writing it. I wanted to be a mystery writer back then, which seems ridiculous now.
   Maybe my strongest memory of those writer's workshops were when I would actually write. I feel like every time we wrote I would sit for a long time and sort of space out, like think really hard about what it was I wanted to write. I was difficult for me I guess, I always came up with something but it always took me a while to formulate my thoughts. I have this distinct memory of, time and again, the teachers coming up to me and sort of prodding me and telling me to get to work. I didn't really know what to tell them other than 'i'm thinking' They usually let it go after a minute but their insistence was really confusing to me then and now. Most of my classmates just started writing from the get go, like they had all these ideas or whatever and I would sit there and, maybe not have trouble, but I at least knew that I didn't have my ideas with me. That i needed to find them. In hindsight it is sort of insulting. Like here I am seven or eight, trying to come up with something really good, trying to put my mind to this task and I'm being hassled. Don't get me wrong, I don't hold a grudge or anything but still, this idea that action needs no thought, that thinking is a waste or unproductive is such a terrible idea, such an invasive and corrosive notion.
    There's no message here. I'm just remembering.

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