Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Baggy jeans

    I had just spent the last dregs of the morning walking around near Broadway and Pike. Got myself overcaffinated on this latte that was so big they had to put it in a water glass then I went next door and picked up some books: one book about murderous college students from the 90's that was very well received, one book which is the most famous novel by the guy that wrote Raymond Carver's stories and a copy of 'just another literary mag' from last year. I had to pee really bad otherwise I would have probably gotten another journal. I'm still in that sad sack phase where I buy journals because I'm trying to get into one. Oh the horror. The sun had come out for a bit so I walked to the park and read the first essay in the journal which was written a little awkwardly but was overall a good meditation on the many forms of luck. I tried to write for a little while but all that came out was that weird surreal stream of consciousness stuff that comes from over-tweaked adenosine receptors. I began to get hungry so I walked home. I've only lived here for six months or so, so I generally keep my doors unlocked, mostly out of lack of necessity. I made a salad (greens, peppers, tomatoes, sardines [May Contain Crustaceuns] and dressing. It was good. I opened the back door and turned on the radio and  read the stranger while I ate. The neighbor's cat who I call Fluffy (full name Fluffernutter as far as I'm concerned) was chilling with me in the living room when, apparently for no reason, she stood up and stared out the door with some serious kitty menace. Now there is another cat who lives around here, grey and fluffy, who doesn't like Fluffy, through Fluffy is generally fairly blase around this cat and I figured this other kitty was what Fluffy was amped up about. Fluffy's tail got real big then and I stood to go see what was up. Going through my back door I saw a short sort of grimy looking dude standing there he said,
         "Hey man do you know who lives up stairs?"
I said Not really and he said
         "Oh really? That's kind of weird for you not to know your neighbors. How long you been living here for?"
It was amazing how quickly he made it seem like I was the suspicious person in my own apartment.
I said Since October, not long. Plus people pretty much keep to themselves here.
         He pulled his glasses off (iridescent wraparounds) and stared at me. He was wearing these baggy jean shorts and a backward baseball cap and had a gross little goatee.
I said well I only know an old lady and some girls that live upstairs so it looks like your friends don't live here anymore. He said,
         "Yeah they lived here a couple of years ago" He seemed hesitant to leave but eventually walked down the stairs. It was a totally calm exchange but I felt pretty amped up. I went outside a minute later to make sure he was gone but even when I returned I couldn't focus on reading. I went outside and saw a neighbor who lives on the corner out doing yardwork. I went up to him and said Hey and noticed the guy about a block away walking down the street. I pointed him out to the neighbor and asked if he had seen the guy then told him briefly what had happened to me. Right as the neighbor looked up at the guy he dipped out of view into someone's driveway .
         "You wanna go do some recon?" and I said okay. "Should I bring my shovel?" Probably not. I'd seen him a few times, grey haired sort of old hipster guy, couple of cute kids. We walked over to the house and ran into another neighbor who introduced himself as Mark. He seemed ultra chill. We found the driveway and the first neighbor went into their backyard and looked around. He didn't seem to see anything for a minute then started talking. I went back to join him and, sure enough, there was the little hesher. He had hopped a small fence and was just chilling in this alleyway.
         The first neighbor and the guy started talking, even getting sort of heated. The little dude was almost incomprehensible, going on about how he was on public property and not doing anything wrong. A shopkeeper came out and reminded him that he was, in fact, not on public property. My neighbor, with all good intentions was going back and forth with this guy and aobut how he had kids et c. I just said Look dude your business here is through, if I see you here again I'm gonna call the cops. His cutting last words before we walked away were,
         "It's all business man! All business."

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