14 February 2013

     Writing lots of dialogue today. All of it is awful, will need to rewrite most if not all of it, at least a few times. Sounds 'pulpy' and overdramatic.
How do Gaddis, Proust, Joyce do this? I want this to be the antithesis of pulp and yet I'm sucked toward it without end. 2000 or so words today but really don't feel good about that much of what I wrote. Much feels forced. Not sure how to 'not write' what I want to write, how to imply all these major things, points in the story. Want the dialogue to sound natural but don't want it to be stilted or awkward  Also my vocabulary feels small. Not only words but phrases, feel like I am using the same phrases over and over. Lots of dramatic 'smiling' and 'turning' and 'confusion'. Not sure how to get over this. Want to make it seem natural (think this is the most important thing to me, that the story seems like it could have, or could in the future really happen in this reality) Seems like one of these things that just needs to happen, can't force it. Hoping that if I write enough then it will just 'happen' though it may just be a train that someone has. What if I am by nature just a pulpy writer? Imagining people reading this, going along and being like 'hmmm not bad, not bad' then hitting pulpy sections and being like 'eggggh'
     Sections seem too short. Each reaches about 3 or 4 pages then seems to peter out. Do I have ADD or something? just seems so much shorter than other writers though I guess there is no point in comparing myself, just need to do what I do or whatever.Nothing happened today, friends were gone most of day so very few unwanted distractions (aside from myself). feel like it takes me a long time each day to put out even halfway decent stuff, first few pages are always crappy then hit a zone for a little bit which is alright then begin to get timed and quality drops again. or I just stop writing.
  massaging shower heads look like sea lampreys